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The Weight of being a Black Woman

Every since I was a little a girl, I felt the weight.

The weight of a silenced mouth at the request of a grown man.

The weight of a heavy hand behind a hot comb.

The weight of keeping secrets that aren’t mine to keep.

The weight that tugged at my young thighs and midsection while my sister stood tall and thin. We are eating out of the same kitchen, aren’t we???

The weight of having a father that was not my own while my own father wasn’t mine either.

Every since I was a teenager, I felt the weight.

The weight of being black.

The weight of having big breast.

The weight of being present when all I wanted to do is write or read about a different space or place.

The weight of not being sexually active.

The weight of being sexually active.

The weight of wanting to run away but also wanting to stay.

Every since I was in my 20’s, I’ve felt the weight.

The weight of being stuck.

The weight of not knowing who I was.

The weight of staying when I should be going.

The weight of men leaving their mark.

The weight of needing money but also needing travel.

Every since my late 20’s, I’ve felt the weight.

The weight of being chosen.

The weight of shame.

The weight of actual weight.

The weight of time lost.

The weight of being unprepared for life.

Every since my 30’s, I’ve felt this weight.

The weight of a house that often times feel like a pile of bricks.

The weight of lost friendships and busyness.

The weight of wrong decisions of past and not so past.

The weight of an empty womb.

The weight of working 40 hours, driving 10 hours, cooking and cleaning, and having sex with my husband, and running a business, and making time to lick my own wombs after making sure everyone else’s are nice and clean.

The weight of no longer caring what box I check (single, married, hungry). It’s almost always hungry.

The weight of checking on others.

The weight of adulting when all I want to do is be a dog mom and drink wine while the pool boy bends over in front of me with his locked man bun and…….(Okay, maybe not that last part). Le Sigh.

 

XOXO Jessica M.

By | 2019-01-09T01:19:19+00:00 January 9th, 2019|

4 Comments

  1. Ashley January 9, 2019 at 10:54 pm - Reply

    Love this! ❤️

    • admin January 10, 2019 at 11:02 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read our blog! We appreciate you! Peace and blessings!

  2. Latasha January 13, 2019 at 4:34 am - Reply

    The truth of every weight and seeing to our own wounds. Thank you!

    • admin January 29, 2019 at 1:15 am - Reply

      Thank you for reading! We appreciate you!

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